Beauty Shop 101

So it's been forever since I blogged...one, because I've been working like a dog and two, well, because I've been working like a dog. I was just thinking that I haven't put anything exciting on here for quite some time and then Alison pulls one of her crazy stunts that is just a "must-blog" moment. I know, I know, leave it to Alison...but we'll get to that in just a minute. First here's a little recap:

Shockingly it has been a pretty uneventful January in our home. Of course, that might be because we have been too busy to get into any trouble. Between Brownies, two dance classes, Destination Imagination rehearsal, CCD and youth choir, we are constantly on the go. I'm sure a lot of you can relate and I'm told it only gets worse as the kids get older. Yikes!! Pretty soon I'll be putting an ad in the paper for a taxi service just to get the girls where they have to be (for now, however, a BIG THANK YOU to my fabulous mother and mother-in-law for helping us get through January without forgetting an appointment or leaving anyone stranded!!). Scott and I always said we would not "schedule" our kids for activities every night, but somehow it just happened. I'm so weak when it comes to whining begging daughters....

Anyway, last weekend was the first Saturday I haven't had to work in 2009, so I spent the entire day with the girls. We went to story time at Barnes & Noble and met our friends Ian and Zoe there. They are the daughter and son of my second cousin and now co-worker, Claudia. It was great fun and there were lots of hot-cocoa-and-whipped-cream smiles from the bunch!!

Sammi, Zoe, Alison and Maddie

Scott spent the Saturday taking his mom to the airport - she's off to Florida until the end of the month to see Bob and spend her "BIG" birthday in some warm weather. Then Scott traveled on to Detroit to see his Grandpa in the nursing home. It was a hard day for Scott; I know you can mentally prepare for such a visit, but when you get there and see your loved one, it just tears your heart out. Thankfully his Grandpa was in good spirits and knew who Scott was. Grandpa doesn't remember all the details of our lives, but he surely remembers the grandson that he helped get through law school. Scott lived there his first year at Detroit College of Law (now Michigan State Law School) and part of his second year when we were first married. I think they loved having him in their home just as much as Scott loved being there. The end of March will mark Grandpa's 90th birthday and we are all looking forward to spending time with him.

So the Sewick's enter February thinking, whew, January flew by and we are already well into the "busy season" hustle and bustle. So far so good...no serious complaining from the girls...no real illness coming through the house...we are cruising right along....

Until this week.

The girls have suddenly all fallen ill. Sammi has a high fever combined with a head cold. Madison sounds like she is a six-pack-a-day-smoker with a nasty, raspy cough. Alison is just a bit under the weather with a runny nose, etc. So today, I am spending time as pharmacist / reader of the stories / nose-blower / waitress / maid / snuggle partner - keeping my oldest two girls curled up in bed so they can get better. Meanwhile, Alison is enjoying time with her Grandma Kemp, shopping for snacks and party goods for her preschool Valentine's Day party tomorrow.

Ah, yes, Alison. My dear, sweet, darling daughter. I do love that child more than words. She makes me laugh each and every day with her funny sayings and her mannerisms. She's just such a crazy little thing. But there is a side of her that makes me just go blow-my-top crazy. With Madison there were occasional moments where I wondered what the heck she was thinking. But then, in fine Madison form, she would explain to me in complete and correct sentences exactly what she was thinking and her rationalization for her actions. Madison was a little adult before she could even form words. There were also moments with Sammi that I just couldn't figure out what she was thinking when she did this or that. But with Sammi, she was too busy working herself into hysterics to talk to - crying uncontrollably, hyperventilating. For Sammi, my only goal was to get her to continue breathing long enough for her to see tomorrow. Alison, however, is a color all her own. A fine combination of German stubbornness wrapped inside a nice little dollop of Irish temper.

A perfect example: Monday I went to pick up the girls from my mom's house after work. I walk in the door and Alison is hiding behind my mom. My poor mother has that look on her face - the "I need you to get these kids out of here so I can have a drink" kind of look.

So it goes something like this:

"Don't you want to tell your mother what you did today little girl?" (you know its bad when my mom uses the term "little girl" in the sternest voice she has - which by the way isn't very stern)

No response from Alison because she has proceeded to bury her face into my mother's leg.

"No, okay then I'll tell her...your daughter played beauty shop today and well,

cut her own hair."

Now, I'm a little sleep deprived and it takes a little bit for things to sink in. So I look at Alison and think, must have just been a few strands someplace that I can't really see. Madison did this once, but she was actually trying to cut out a tag on her shirt and we didn't even notice the missing hair for say - a few weeks. No big deal, right?

Nope - nada - zilch - not the case here. It's never that simple when Ali is concerned. Alison looked up at me and it was then I could see that she had a full-blown mullet going on. The little angel decided to 1) get a step stool (no little stool would do for this job); 2) climb up and riffle through my mother's bathroom cabinet; 3) find sharp scissors that were so far back into the cabinet it would have taken a supply of food and water and a flashlight to get them; and 4) proceed to cut-cut-cut away at her beautiful brown locks.

Oh, and not just one side either. No, not my child...we overachieve at being bad just as much as we overachieve at being good. We had to have symmetry you know. Shockingly, she cut from chin to ear in an almost straight line, but she took about 6 inches off her hair. The end result...a very impromptu visit to Miss Liz for a rescue cut......

Did I mention that my mom just made appointments for family pictures? Yeah, I thought I might have forgotten that tidbit.

Before Ali's salon session (Dec. 2008)

After....still adorable in a "Dutch-girl holding a tulip" kind of way....

Thanksgiving Recap

Madame Sous-Chef (a.k.a. Maddie)

in her beautiful apron from Grandma Kemp!

Nothing but love on Turkey Day!

I know you love the Barney apron -

Alison let me borrow it to do yet another round of dishes!!

Sammi setting our BIG table!

Howdy all,

It's been a bit since my last post and we've been busier than ever. November came and went with the celebration of Thanksgiving. Scott did all the cooking while his three beautiful helpers set the table and made the house beautiful. Scott made a tangerine turkey with the works. My only contribution was to make the pie crusts and assist with the fillings. As many of you know, Scott is a much better cook than me, so not having to stress through the making the meal was wonderful.

We were blessed to have my parents and my grandmother over for dinner to celebrate with us. We played a little game where everyone wrote one or two things they were really thankful for and we guessed who they were...it wasn't hard to guess since us Kemp / Volkmann women can't keep the tears from rolling once our own words were read back to us. We're such a bunch of mush-pots!!

Halloween Hello

I'm finally getting around to posting our Halloween pictures. There have been so many things going on lately at work and with the girls that I feel I rarely have time to blog these days. I must make more time for this...it's therapy, truly. Much cheaper than a therapist!! LOL

So we have Madison as our convict (Miss Behaved was the name on her costume), Samantha as Diamond Castle Barbie and Alison as the lovely bride. She is actually wearing my veil from our wedding that she found months ago in a closet.

Halloween night was honestly the most beautiful night I can ever remember for October 31st. What a treat to be able to walk around with the girls trick-or-treating without a rain slicker or wrapped up head-to-toe with scarf and mittens!! You just never know what Michigan is going to throw your way in late October, but we were thankful for the beautiful weather for so many reasons. Sammi has been fighting allergies for weeks and Alison had a cold. Having nice weather on Halloween perked them both up enough to chase wildly after the neighbor kids. Nice weather brings out ALL the kids in our neighborhood and it is always fun to see them dressed up.

This year my mother-in-law came over to pass out candy at our house so Scott and I could both take the girls out that night. With the kids not feeling 100%, it was a guess at best as to how long they would last. To our surprise, they made it all the way around our neighborhood circle. I think their poor little arms gave out carrying those heavy bags of candy before their legs were actually tired. We headed home for fresh apple cider and donuts from VanderMills in Spring Lake and the girls dumped their candy-haul on the kitchen table for inspection. It never ceases to amaze me how little time it takes to accumulate so much candy!!

Luckily for us, my brilliant mother and mother-in-law had already laid the ground work with the girls to 'sell' their Halloween candy to a local dentist for cash. Brilliant, I tell you! All three girls picked about twenty pieces 'of the good stuff' to keep for treats and they put the rest of their candy in a big bag. They headed out Saturday morning with Scott to cash in on their candy harvest. Madison weighed the bags on Friday night and told us it was about ten pounds, but the official weigh-in brought seven dollars to the girls - all in gold dollar coins. The girls were ecstatic and I was thrilled not to have to deal with sugar-high kids for the next two months.

While I absolutely love Halloween and it was a great night, it was kind of a bitter-sweet experience. It was so much fun walking hand-in-hand with my hubby on such a warm October night, watching our girls behave so very well. The 'pleases' and 'thank yous' were out in great force and that made both of us so very proud of them. But I was forced to realize something horrifying as we walked along the streets:

This won't last forever.

I am desperately trying to slow life down enough to really savor the every day moments we have with our kids, but this thought took my breathe away. It always does. Maybe because we are at such a good place in life right now. Maybe because the girls are such a great age and we are enjoying their little personalities so very much. Maybe because it makes me sad to know that we are getting older and that our babies are getting bigger every day and that day when they THINK they don't need us anymore is soon approaching.

Madison is already seeking her independence from her Mom and Dad. She wants to be with her friends doing what eight-year-old girls do...giggle, talk...giggle...put on lip gloss...oh, yeah, giggle some more. At football games she makes excuses just to get away from us so she can spread her wings. I have to believe that Samantha is not far behind and well, Alison has been proclaiming her independence since birth. And while my heart tells me to grab onto them tightly and keep them protected under my wing, my head knows that just isn't possible to do forever.

What I struggle with is how do you know how much independence to give them? Where is the fine line between not watching their every move and keeping a watchful eye so they don't stray? I fear my questions far outweigh any answers I have at this point. I fear that this is only the beginning of a long journey through the push and pull of mother / daughter relationships, puberity and, oh God help me, boys.

I have a feeling life is only going to get more interesting from here:)

Ballet Boogy Baby

It is every mother's dream to have their beautiful daughter, dressed in her adorable little tutu, hair done, smile shining brightly on stage. A vision of pure perfection...

...Yeah, well, it is Ali after all - that dream lasted about twenty seconds.

Last Thursday, I attended Alison's very last dance class with Miss Diane of Diane's Studio of Dance. Ali took the class through Mona Shores' Community Services program, as did Sammi a few years ago. We know Diane well since Madison and Sammi now take classes at her Fruitport studio every week. That may be the unfortunate part of this story....I have to see her again on Tuesday.

Alison was adorable - she was dressed in a purple leotard with a dark purple dancing skirt and my mom had curled her hair and put it in a teeny-tiny pony tail. She was an angel - at least in visual terms. Don't get me wrong - she had the time of her life in the class. She twirled, she plied, she did all the fabulous dance steps she was taught - she just did them "Ali-style".

Oh, yeah, one other small point - she did them all on her own, without care for the music or Miss Diane's instruction. Oh, and I forgot, she did them in between kisses to her Mom, Grandmas and sisters and after running to the front of the stage to tell us just "one more thing".

Yep, she was the trouble maker of the group. But, she's three. And she loves to dance. And she's three. Did I mention she's three?

The first video is of the "Say Hello" song. You've got to love a little group of girls singing their greeting!! The second video is "I Can Copy Cat". This is where Alison shows off her ability to toe tap and twirl like there is no tomorrow. The last video is some rocking little number - you have to watch this one to see Alison shake what God gave her - just hysterical!! I taped most of her "recital" because Scott was in Florida visiting his Dad and couldn't make it. So, here it is, honey. You're beautiful little "mini-me" in her first performance.

I can absolutely bet the house on the fact this will not be her last. In Miss Diane's own words "she's got the drama gene"!! God help us all!!

**!Enjoy!**

It should be noted that these are the three little clips that I wasn't incredibly embarrassed to put on my blog. The other ones you'd hear me telling Alison to get her adorable little booty back on stage!! LOL

Patches of Pumpkins

October is such a great month for our family, especially living in Michigan with the changing of the season. I'm not sure what happened this month, but my work load has kept me from some much anticipated family time. I have had to work late nights and weekends recently just as a means of keeping up...and the girls have let me know without exception that they weren't happy about it.

So it was great timing when Scott's Mom and Dad suggested a little Sunday afternoon fun at the pumpkin patch:) We went to this particular farm last year and had such a good time that we decided another visit was in order.

The girls browsed the little craft shop that is set up in the barn, bought a few pumpkins, went on a hay ride (Ali stayed behind with Grandma to paint her pumpkin) and just had some good ole fashion fall fun. What made it even better was the fact that Scott's dad was here from Florida for the weekend and was able to participate in the antics!!

After the pumpkin patch, we ventured to VanderMill's for some fresh cider and donuts. It was a wonderful treat for the girls and a great break from work for me!!

Of course I brought my camera with me so I could snap some fall pictures of the girls to share. Madison helped me with some 'artistic' photos of leaves and scarecrows too. She's becoming quite the photographer and I'm always excited to see the world through her lens. Her flower pictures were included in my prior post of the October wedding for you to enjoy.

So, to all of our family and friends that read this post, may you all enjoy this changing season with your family. I'm continually amazed at how quickly the days, months and years are passing us by - don't let them go by so quickly that you don't stop to make a few memories along the way.

Forever His Flower Girl

October 11th was a good day for the Samantha. She was pampered, she was complimented, she was one of the stars of the show. Right up her alley...or aisle as it may be.

October 11th was the day her Godfather, Scott (a.k.a. Wayne), was married to a beautiful young lady named Jennifer and Sammi got to be the flower girl. Sammi was very excited about being in the wedding, wearing her Princess-like dress and walking down that aisle. She had practiced her walk. She had asked questions about how to throw the petals. And the day was finally here!!

On Friday night, I took her to dress rehearsal at St. Mary's Church in Marne. Within about five minutes, she had made fast friends with the ring bearer and was planning "play dates" for after the wedding. That's our Sammi...never a dull moment and never at a loss for social skills!! She wanted to wear her 'best outfit' for Uncle Wayne because she knew that she had a very important job to do and so she picked out this little purple number - complete with ballet flats, a new headband and, of course, my necklace and make up. She was such a good girl and did everything that she was told to do. I was so very proud of her:) She got to enjoy a little bit of the after-rehearsal celebration back in Muskegon and was so overjoyed when she opened her present from Uncle Wayne and Aunt Jen - a new heart-shaped jewelry box with her "short name Sammi" engraved in it. She opened it up and found three beautiful pearl bracelets as well. What a great surprise for this little girl. She was walking on clouds when I put her to bed that night.

The next morning, we were off to get hair done and get back to Marne for pictures. It was one of the most precious things I've ever seen. The photographer called up the little kids for a full wedding party photo and then started to rearrange the groups of people for other shots. She asked Wayne to join Jen's wedding attendants for a picture and Sammi was standing there next to him, holding his hand. I cry just thinking about the picture - it was one of those moments that will not soon be forgotten. She just looked up at him with such love and admiration...priceless.

The wedding was beautiful and elegant...a little girls dream come true. Sammi was a little scared going down the aisle, but she pulled it off without incident and did a fabulous job walking slowly like she practiced and dropping berry colored petals in front of her new Aunt Jen. And the bride...well let's just say that Wayne is a lucky, lucky man. I've never seen him more happy and I've not seen a more beautiful bride for quite some time.

After the wedding, Sammi got to hang out in the limo before the wedding party took off for a little joy ride and she thought THAT was the best part of the day! Kids...I tell you. We ended the day at Moss Ridge Golf Club for a wonderful reception. Sammi had a ball playing with all of the Florida cousins (not her real cousins, but she doesn't seem to care!!), especially Lauren. She was dancing, having a blast and loving every minute of it. She even did multi-rounds of the chicken dance!!

As a side note, my favorite part of the reception was when the wedding party danced together. Sammi was a little afraid to dance with the ring bearer so her Uncle Wayne picked her up off her feet, carried her over to the dance floor and danced with her in his arms. It was precious and heart-warming and, of course, I cried like a baby. I'd bet my lucky stars that moment will never leave that little girl's heart.

From experience I know that being a flower girl is special. My Aunt Lori and Uncle Scott, thirty four years later, still call me their little flower girl. We sometimes pull out the pictures of their wedding and giggle at how little I was, how cute my brother was in a tux, and...well, yes, we have to laugh at Aunt Denise' hat!! Sorry, honey, but it is a MUST!! Just too funny. But it is a connection with them that I will have my whole life. It is a connection that Sammi will have with Wayne and Jen her whole life.

She will always be his little flower girl...

...and that is worth more than words can say.

Scrapping Sisters

So I tell my darling husband that I want to go away for the weekend with my dear friend Kristy to go scrapbooking...an entire weekend with nothing but the view of White Lake, my Cricut and my pictures.

His response..."seriously???".

For those that don't scrapbook, I imagine an entire weekend of scrapbooking seems...well, overwhelming. And I imagine it could be if you don't break up your day with gloriously rich meals, brisk walks to Lake Michigan, an hour massage and a wonderful pedicure!! Okay, the secrets out...I really went to relax, but I got 30+ pages done in the mean time!!

More importantly, I got some great one-on-one time with Kristy. Kristy and I used to work together, but she moved to a position with Priority Health closer to her home in Grand Rapids. I miss her terribly at work - she was my sounding board, my partner in crime, my gym buddy. But I know for her, it was the right move. I am forever grateful that our relationship has persevered through the transition. In fact, I've grown closer to Kristy than ever.

I think its because we are so very different and yet so much the same. Let me explain:

Kristy is redheaded with freckles, a natural beauty. She is very athletic and can literally kick my butt on just about any gym machine made by man (yes, I know this as fact, as she used to be my training partner at the Omni!!). Kristy is quiet - very unlike me - and keeps things close to her chest. You have to know Kristy to know something is bothering her because she doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve. She's a thinker - she has to process things and think about them before she reacts. Yep, I hear ya, polar opposite of my 'react-first-ask-for-forgiveness-later" behavior.

Yet somehow, we are friends...really great friends. Kristy's character is top notch - she will take a serious secret to her grave if you ask her to; she's always the first one to email you to find out if this appointment or that special event went well. To explain what kind of friend she is, let me tell you about my birthday. I'm not a big fan of my birthday - one because it is in March and it's cold and I'm not a "cold, wintery" kind of girl; two because it is during the middle of busy season and I'm usually too exhausted to care that it is "my day". So what a treat for me last March when I pick up my cell phone to hear I have a message...one from Kristy...who was on vacation with her family in California. She called to wish me a good day and then proceeded to sing happy birthday to my voicemail.

Now THAT, dear readers, is what friendship is all about.

So here we are - among all our scrapbooking treasurers (yes, this table is only OUR stuff!!):

But the truth is our friendship is the real treasure. Thank you Kristy for taking a weekend away from your sweet husband (hi Greggy:) and your darling boys, Ethan and Owen, to spend some quality girl time with me. I can't wait for episode number two in May:)

Libby Who?

After we worked up a sweat at the Race for the Cure, us girls ventured off to Libby Lu in the Grandville Mall for a birthday party for our now five-year-old Samantha Paige. She was joined by her two sisters and her cousin, Morgan. What a riot these girls are!! Completely all girl, let me tell you.

The pink sequin dresses were worn by most of the girls and they had their nails and make-up done while Hannah Montana and Cha-Cha slide were blaring on the speakers! Instead of getting their hair done, all the girls opted for some sort of faux hair piece. Sammi enhanced her own pony tail with some unique purple strands. My darling Madison went for the blond Sharpay wig with a microphone headset and Alison went for Hannah Montana hair with a diamondique crown. Our dark haired-beauty, Morgan, turned herself blond with a little help from a wig. All of them had a great time:)

Alison decided to make herself comfortable in this chair with her long locks flowing effortlessly down her shoulders:) What a hoot!!

The girls all went back to our house afterwards and had a little slumber party complete with movies, popcorn and birthday cake to celebrate Sammi's big day.

Happy Birthday, Sammi. I hope your fifth birthday was as joyous and fun-loving as you are. We wish you a year full of smiles with lots of hugs and kisses mixed in:)

Think Pink

Okay, so much has happened since my last post and this is going to be a multi-posting evening. I need to get up to date on my blog so you can all hear (or read as it may be) what we've been up to!!

Since the raisin shot heard round the world, we've been on the move. In late September, our whole family had the privilege, and I mean that in all sincerity, of teaming with my sister-in-law for the Race for the Cure. Our immediate family has been doing this race since 2001, but this year was special. See our official family photo below of Team Silicone Sisters (not all team members were present...just our immediate family).

As many of you know, my SIL has had the up-close-and-personal experience with very aggressive breast cancer. She's fought the battle and has come out on top - thank you God. I can only imagine what this woman has been through the past two years - and yet with her quiet strength, she draws no attention to herself. That is why this day was even more important. We wanted as a family to show our support for her struggle, for her fight, for her strength in tough times, for her honesty about this dreadful disease. I'm proud to say that we were involved with this event as a family, as a team, but I'm thankful beyond words to be able to say "this is my sister-in-law - the survivor".

For any of you who know of this struggle or know someone who has been touched by this terrible disease, I encourage you to do something about it. On September 26th of next year, grab your walking / running shoes, throw on something comfortable and join us for little 3 mile adventure. You don't have to run. You don't have to even walk quickly. Heck, we'll push you in a wagon with your oxygen tank if we have to, but get out there and DO IT!!

I promise you - you will be touched by this event. You can't beat the experience - it is life changing for all those involved.

Beware of Flying Objects...Particularly Raisins!

So the phone call goes like this:

Stacy: Hi Mom.

Grandma Kemp: We have an emergency.

Stacy: Oh, no. Now what happened (mind you last week's emergency was Alison slicing open the chubby part of her hand between her thumb and pointer finger because she didn't want to wait for Grandma to cut her peach...I do it...I do it, she says. Boy did she ever!! No stitches - just endless amounts of Barbie band aids.).

Grandma Kemp: Well,...***insert dramatic pause here*** Alison stuck a raisin up her nose.

Stacy: A what?

Grandma Kemp: A raisin.

Yep, sure enough. Our daughter managed to not only get the raisin up her nose, she managed to shove it so far up her nostril that she nearly touched her brain!! Okay, not that far, but almost into her sinus cavity. Now THAT takes some persistence.

So I show up at my mom's house and Alison is hiding under her blanket - one, because she knows Mommy had an important client meeting that day and got called out of it to take her to the doctor and two, because she didn't want to show me the ghastly "raisin bump" that was literally protruding from her forehead. I have to ask "what made you stick a raisin up your nose, kid?". Her reply: "I was just curious". Ah ha, so that is what killed the cat!!

We proceed to the pediatrician. I get to the front counter with Alison in toe (mind you the receptionist lives in our neighborhood and is almost our neighbor). She says "oh, the second day of school and you are already at the doctor. What's wrong with the little one?". I reply pretty nonchalantly "she has a raisin up her nose". "Oh, so SHE is the one that did that". Great - so now the whole doctor's office is waiting to find out which child will surely be labeled with some silly raisin-related nickname! I can just see her chart now...

We get into the exam room, Dr. Woods (our wonderful pediatrician) takes one look up her nose and tries so hard to say something, anything, with a straight face. He falls amazingly short of his goal. Alison has managed to jam this large raisin way, way up there so Dr. Woods won't even attempt to take it out. Lovely...one co-pay down...at least one more to go.

We head to the ER (Mercy) and Dr. Woods pages a ENT doc so they can come and remove the "foreign object" from my darling child's nose. Can you believe that right on the docs receipt there is an actual medical CODE for foreign object removal from one's nose? I'm serious...this must be a regular occurrence, I assure myself. I'm told later that Barbie shoes and Match Box Car wheels are highly popular items for the little tots to shove on up the schnozes.

We get into a room and are waiting for the ENT doc to call the hospital and let us know when he can get there. This very kind ER doc comes in and suggests we try something "a little less invasive". Okay, I say, whatever it takes to get that thing out of there before it rots her brain! So he tells me to blow in her mouth like I am giving CPR. HUH? Come again? Blow in her mouth? Seriously? He's serious all right. Before I try, however, I get the caveat that there is a 'gross factor' that comes with this procedure. I figure, how gross can it be right? It's just a little raisin in there.

So I blow into her mouth and the doc holds her good nostril closed. Nothing. He takes a look and tells me that the "object" has moved. Try again, he encourages me, but do it a little harder. Harder? I might explode my own child's lungs by doing this procedure, but I listen to the good doctor and give it one more try - one more solid blow into Alison's mouth.

Sure enough, one snotty, germ soaked little raisin comes flying out of her nose and sticks directly onto my cheek. The nurse is kind enough to get a Kleenex and wipe it off for me and then asks "would you like to keep it". Seriously? I snot-soaked raisin....now I'd like to see someone try to scrap that little baby into a cutesy little 12 x 12 memory page!

Alison ends up fine. I end up at the Station with a tall adult beverage in front of me to sooth the days activity. My husband, my parents and our dear friends the Allards end up making raisin jokes all night and laughing their fool heads off.

All I know is this wasn't in the users manual for three year olds!!