Beware of Flying Objects...Particularly Raisins!

So the phone call goes like this:

Stacy: Hi Mom.

Grandma Kemp: We have an emergency.

Stacy: Oh, no. Now what happened (mind you last week's emergency was Alison slicing open the chubby part of her hand between her thumb and pointer finger because she didn't want to wait for Grandma to cut her peach...I do it...I do it, she says. Boy did she ever!! No stitches - just endless amounts of Barbie band aids.).

Grandma Kemp: Well,...***insert dramatic pause here*** Alison stuck a raisin up her nose.

Stacy: A what?

Grandma Kemp: A raisin.

Yep, sure enough. Our daughter managed to not only get the raisin up her nose, she managed to shove it so far up her nostril that she nearly touched her brain!! Okay, not that far, but almost into her sinus cavity. Now THAT takes some persistence.

So I show up at my mom's house and Alison is hiding under her blanket - one, because she knows Mommy had an important client meeting that day and got called out of it to take her to the doctor and two, because she didn't want to show me the ghastly "raisin bump" that was literally protruding from her forehead. I have to ask "what made you stick a raisin up your nose, kid?". Her reply: "I was just curious". Ah ha, so that is what killed the cat!!

We proceed to the pediatrician. I get to the front counter with Alison in toe (mind you the receptionist lives in our neighborhood and is almost our neighbor). She says "oh, the second day of school and you are already at the doctor. What's wrong with the little one?". I reply pretty nonchalantly "she has a raisin up her nose". "Oh, so SHE is the one that did that". Great - so now the whole doctor's office is waiting to find out which child will surely be labeled with some silly raisin-related nickname! I can just see her chart now...

We get into the exam room, Dr. Woods (our wonderful pediatrician) takes one look up her nose and tries so hard to say something, anything, with a straight face. He falls amazingly short of his goal. Alison has managed to jam this large raisin way, way up there so Dr. Woods won't even attempt to take it out. Lovely...one co-pay down...at least one more to go.

We head to the ER (Mercy) and Dr. Woods pages a ENT doc so they can come and remove the "foreign object" from my darling child's nose. Can you believe that right on the docs receipt there is an actual medical CODE for foreign object removal from one's nose? I'm serious...this must be a regular occurrence, I assure myself. I'm told later that Barbie shoes and Match Box Car wheels are highly popular items for the little tots to shove on up the schnozes.

We get into a room and are waiting for the ENT doc to call the hospital and let us know when he can get there. This very kind ER doc comes in and suggests we try something "a little less invasive". Okay, I say, whatever it takes to get that thing out of there before it rots her brain! So he tells me to blow in her mouth like I am giving CPR. HUH? Come again? Blow in her mouth? Seriously? He's serious all right. Before I try, however, I get the caveat that there is a 'gross factor' that comes with this procedure. I figure, how gross can it be right? It's just a little raisin in there.

So I blow into her mouth and the doc holds her good nostril closed. Nothing. He takes a look and tells me that the "object" has moved. Try again, he encourages me, but do it a little harder. Harder? I might explode my own child's lungs by doing this procedure, but I listen to the good doctor and give it one more try - one more solid blow into Alison's mouth.

Sure enough, one snotty, germ soaked little raisin comes flying out of her nose and sticks directly onto my cheek. The nurse is kind enough to get a Kleenex and wipe it off for me and then asks "would you like to keep it". Seriously? I snot-soaked raisin....now I'd like to see someone try to scrap that little baby into a cutesy little 12 x 12 memory page!

Alison ends up fine. I end up at the Station with a tall adult beverage in front of me to sooth the days activity. My husband, my parents and our dear friends the Allards end up making raisin jokes all night and laughing their fool heads off.

All I know is this wasn't in the users manual for three year olds!!